Admitted
by obsessed1
Summary: Sheppard ends up in hospital on earth with no sign of his team
1. Chapter 1

Title: Admitted (1/3)  
Author: Obsessed1  
Character(s): John Sheppard and team.  
Genre(s): Stargate Atlantis: H/C -Angst  
Rating: T  
Words: Various and many.  
Warnings: Nothing too explicit.  
Summary: Sheppard ends up in hospital on earth with no sign of his team.

Doctor Abby Jenner dropped her case files onto the admittance desk and stifled a yawn before downing the last of her coffee. Four car crash victims, three DOA's, one case of herpes, two GSW's, one survived the other wasn't so lucky and one elderly man with a mobile phone lodged in a place that was wrong on so many levels. _And_ that was in the first hour. Abby had spent various hours of the day covered in vomit, blood and other bodily fluids. She was tired, her head was aching and she didn't want to see another patient for at least twenty four hours.

"You finished for the night?" Matt, the desk clerk asked as he surfed the internet and shoved a doughnut into his mouth.

"Yep," she said with an exhausted smile, "I am going to go _home_ and _sleep_ for the next two days."

"Sound's like a plan."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"A couple of the guys are going out for beers tomorrow night. Fancy it?"

Abby's reply was cut off by the sounds of a commotion further up the corridor. Somebody wasn't happy.

"Oh, what _now_?"

She leaned backwards and could see that the paramedics were wheeling a gurney her way.

There was a tall, handsome man struggling with the paramedics and trying to get off the gurney.

"Looks like you're not going anywhere," Matt mocked.

Abby sighed, "The work of a registrar is _never_ done," and with a mutinous look she pushed herself away from the counter to join the paramedics.

"What have we got?" she asked as one of them battled to restrain her new patient.

She gave the man a cursory look, checking for signs of injury, already cataloguing the tests that would have to be carried out and the amount it would cost the hospital.

"John Doe," the head paramedic Michael said, "Picked him up off the highway after a concerned caller saw him collapse. He's been disorientated and combatant ever since we picked him up."

"I _told_ you I'm _fine_," The man said with an aggrieved sigh, "I _need_ to get out of here!"

He was swinging his legs over the edge of the gurney, one foot touching the floor and Abby had the urge to let him go. After all, if a patient refused treatment there wasn't much they could do. But then her guilty conscience kicked the devil off her shoulder and she reached out for his arm.

"Hold up," Abby said, "We need to take a look at you first."

He tore his eyes away from the paramedic and met her look, "I'm _fine_. I need to find my team."

"Team?"

Michael was trying to restrain a smile, "His team the…uh…fantastic four."

Abby raised her eyebrows and instantly regretted her decision. Her new patient however, didn't find the comment funny and he turned to Michael with a scowl.

"Okay, get him into exam room three. I'll be right in."

As the gurney was wheeled away Michael remained at her side, "Just thought I'd warn you. This guy is nuts. You should have heard what he was saying on the way in."

Abby arched an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yeah. We asked him where he lived and he said something about Atlantis and a flying ship. _Apparently_ he has the power to turn stuff on with the power of his mind." Michael wiggled his fingers menacingly.

Abby could see her night of relaxation and rest slipping away, "Seriously?"

Michael's expression grew sober, "He was walking down a busy highway in the middle of the night with no shoes. How cracked can you get?"

Abby took a last sip of her coffee and tossed it into the trashcan.

"Okay, well leave him to me."

"You sure? We can stick around if you want."

"No, I'll be-"

For the second time that night Abby was cut off mid-sentence by a raised voice. The sounds of something falling to the ground came after that and then one of the paramedics rushed out with his hands covering his nose.

There was blood spilling between his fingertips.

"What happened?" Abby asked, prying his hands away from his face to inspect the damage.

"He hit me!" the paramedic informed her in a nasal voice, "I think he broke my nose."

"I don't think it's broken. It looks worse than it is."

"It _feels_ broken. Damn, he has a strong right hook."

"What were you doing?" his team-mate asked sympathy devoid from his voice.

"Why would you think it was my fault?"

Michael shrugged.

"Here," the paramedic handed Abby a chain with two tags on them.

"He's military," Michael said with a resigned sigh, "That's all we need. A whacked out soldier."

Abby shot him a look for being an ass.

"My nose?"

"Kerry?" Abby turned to one of the nurses, "Can you sort Ed's nose out? And Ed?"

The paramedic turned back to her with a sorry expression on his face.

"Last time I checked, you only take dog tags off a soldier when they're dead. I'm not surprised he hit you."

Ed waved a dismissive hand at her and walked off, his team-mate in tow.

Abby studied the tags and read the information embossed in the silver.

"Well, our patient has a name. John Sheppard." She turned to the clerk, "Matt, can you write down this information and see if you can track down Mr. Sheppard's files."

Matt took the dog tags off her and read them, "That's Lt Colonel Sheppard."

"Whatever, just see if you can track down his files. Call Evans U.S Army hospital if you have to."

Matt quickly wrote down his service number, social security number and anything else of use.

"You're not going in there alone?" he pushed when Abby turned on her heel.

"I'll call if I need you to rescue me Matt."

"I'm calling security."

"Fine, call them. But have them stand out in the corridor."

Abby grabbed the tags off him before heading into the exam room.

Lt Colonel Sheppard was swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and sitting upright clutching his hand with a pained expression on his face when she entered. Obviously throwing that punch had hurt him as much as it had hurt Ed. Even though he was military he wasn't dressed in what she would have called the usual military attire. He was dressed in black trousers; black t-shirt and he was _definitely_ missing his shoes. Either he was in a hurry to get somewhere or get away.

With any thoughts of home and bed truly dissipated, Abby thought it was some small consolation that her patient was good looking. Being the consummate professional that she was, she admired him for a few seconds and then got down to business.

"Here," Abby dropped his tags into his hand and he quickly put them over his head and tucked them into his t-shirt.

"Sorry I hit that guy," he mumbled, "But, last I checked, I'm still alive."

"That you are."

He smiled crookedly and silence settled in the room.

"I have to go," he said wiping a hand across his forehead.

The hand was shaking; in fact, his whole body was trembling as if he were cold.

"I have to go."

Everything he said seemed to spill out quickly and he was jittery, unable to stay still as he sat.

"Not until I have checked you over," Abby said waiting for him to get back into bed.

He didn't. He merely sat there and stared at her with a blank expression.

"Where's Beckett?" he said tracking the room with lazy eyes.

"Beckett?" Abby pulled out her penlight and stood in front of him, "Who's that?"

"My Doctor," Sheppard informed her, "Doctor Carson Beckett."

"What hospital?"

"Atlantis," he said looking passed her and out into the corridor.

_As in Lost city of? _

Abby bit her lip. She wasn't familiar with it. "Atlantis? Which state is that in?"

"It's in the Pegasus galaxy," he stated.

Abby groaned inwardly. Great! He really _was_ crazy.

"Pegasus galaxy?"

He nodded, reacting as if his statement was completely normal, "You should get him. I think….he wouldn't want you treating me."

Abby mentally noted that. Doctor Carson Beckett. Sheppard might have escaped from another hospital which meant they might be able to track his medical records down.

"Okay, I tell you what. I will go and get Doctor Beckett if you just let me check you over."

Sheppard seemed to consider her suggestion, but was still on edge. Hands clenching and unclenching. She didn't know what it was about this man though. She felt strangely safe with him. There was something honest about his face.

"Will you let me do that?"

"I really think I should wait for Beckett," he looked over her shoulder as if he expected the man to appear, "He's Scottish."

Abby tried to get his attention by blocking out his view, "It's going to take us a while to locate him. Surely, he would want you to get looked over."

"Of course." The response was of that of a five year old.

"Well?"

"And then I can go?" he asked looking up at her with wide glassy eyes.

Abby nodded. _Go, stay, go_; he didn't seem to be able to make up his mind.

"Because, they'll be looking for me," he said scratching his arm absent mindedly, "I'm…kind of important."

Okay, so Sheppard seemed to have a superiority complex. Abby was slightly disappointed. Good looks and arrogance always seemed to go together.

"I think maybe I shouldn't have…." He looked around the room, scanning all four corners, one hand planted on his thigh by an empty calf holster.

"Maybe you shouldn't have?"

"Left," he said quietly, "Maybe I should have…..but they were….." he trailed off into his thoughts.

She took his silence as her cue to get him looked over.

"If you just lie back, we can get started."

Sheppard still didn't sit back in bed. Instead, he pierced her with tired hazel eyes.

"Am I safe here?"

Abby reached out for his shoulder and felt the muscles tense beneath the fabric of his t-shirt, "Of course."

She wondered what had happened to him to make him like this. He was like a coiled spring, nervous energy radiated from him.

"Okay."

She was forced to do her exam while he was sat bolt upright. He was listing to the side, breathing in and out in shallow breaths, obviously exhausted and yet unwilling to submit.

She set about examining him. His eyes were wide and dilated which pointed to possible drug use.

"Have you taken anything?"

He shook his head and bit his lip.

He had a temperature of 102. Fever's often led to confusion and hallucinations.

He had a small cut in his hairline which would need suturing.

"Did you hit your head?"

"No."

He had minor cuts and abrasions on his feet. She palpitated his stomach for any tenderness and examined the crooks of his arm which had small, fresh track marks in them.

"Are you sure you haven't taken anything?"

Sheppard pulled his arm out of her grasp and acknowledged her with the same glassy stare.

"I need to be able to fly," he said with a scowl.

_Fly?_ So maybe it was drugs.

She also noted that on his hand was a plaster which could have held an I.V line in place and secured around his wrist was a white hospital tag.

"Were you at another hospital?"

Sheppard covered the tag with his hand, "I think….." he scrunched his face up.

She decided to order a CT scan and Tox screen and start Sheppard on an I.V line. She wouldn't be able to give him anything more until she had his medical files and eliminated any drugs from his system with the blood work.

"So, where are your shoes?"

Sheppard swung his legs back and forth, examining his feet with a confused expression, "I left them…somewhere," he was distracted, "Can you call Beckett now? You should find out where my team is too."

"Okay, what's Beckett's number?"

"Uh…" Sheppard sighed and scrubbed a hand through his unruly hair, "I'm not sure. It's….."

"Okay," she said, "How about you lie back and get some rest? I'm going to send someone in to clean up your cuts and then we can see about finding this Doctor Beckett character."

"And my team?"  
"_And_ your team," she said masking her bewilderment with a smile.

Sheppard sat back but didn't close his eyes. He seemed wide awake and unwilling to surrender to the apparent exhaustion he was experiencing.

Her father had been military. She had heard some of his terrible stories. He had never recovered from what he had experienced and died a year ago having never recovered, still suffering from nightmares, tearing up the night with his screams. She wondered if this Sheppard was suffering from the same affliction. Combat stress or worse Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Out at the clerks desk and she found Matt still eating doughnuts.

"You found out anything?" She asked leaning against the desk.

"I rang up Evans, gave them his service number and they have his files."

"Great."

"Not great, they can't get into them or send them through. His file has a clause that says only authorized personnel can gain access."

"So I guess he _is_ important," Abby said taking a bite out of one of Matt's pastries.

Matt slapped her hand away, "They need both Sheppard and a third party, which they need to ring, to sign a release form and then they can send his files over."

Abby scowled, "That could take forever."

And it could. Patient's details weren't collaborated on one system and each hospital had its own archaic way of storing records. She had once waited for three days before having a record faxed over and that was because that particular hospital needed a patient ID number rather than a social security number to release the forms. It was a logistical nightmare.

"I know, but they _were_ able to give me his listed next of kin," he reached for a crumpled piece of paper, "Nancy Sheppard. His wife."

"Okay, call her up and see if you can get some kind of medical history out of her. I'm going to get our Colonel nice and comfortable and I think I might have to order a psyche consult down too."

TBC…………………


	2. Chapter 2

"Any luck with Colonel Crazy in there?"

Abby sighed, "Don't call him _that_."

Matt offered her an apologetic smile but she could still sense that he meant it.

"Did you manage to get hold of the wife?"

"Ex wife. I rang the number I was given but she doesn't live there anymore."

Abby leaned against the counter and groaned.

"But, I _was_ able to get a forwarding number from the current owner. She said he doesn't have any allergies."

"Good."

And it _was_ good news. It meant she was getting somewhere with her mysterious patient. It also had to mean she was closer to going home, closer to having a nice hot bubble bath and closer to sleep than she had been all night.

"I think she was surprised to hear from him."

"Don't pry Matt."

"I'm just saying. Sounds like he hasn't been around all that much."

"I never hear from my Ex," Abby provided with a grim smile. And just as well, he was a drunken low life, "I just got his lab results back as well so I can finally give him some antibiotics for that fever."

"Figured out who the hell he is yet? I mean all this tight security on his file. He's got to be black ops right? Or maybe he's defected."

"Or maybe he's just a normal guy?"

"Maybe. I prefer the black ops theory myself."

"Of course you do."

--------------------------------------

Doctor Ling entered the patient's room and found him sitting up in bed, plucking at the covers and staring off into space. It took a while for him to notice she was there and it was only when she scraped a chair over to the side of the bed did he turn to her. He looked over her shoulder as if he were expecting someone else to follow and then fixed her with a stare.

"Mr. Sheppard," she said crossing her legs and flipping open a notepad.

He regarded her with a suspicious look, "The shrink right?"

Ling smiled and held out her hand. He gave it a look and made no moves to shake it so she retracted it quickly, flushing slightly with embarrassment.

"I'm Doctor Ling."

"Are you supposed to be in here?" he asked shifting back on the bed slightly.

He tried to disguise a hiss of pain but failed miserably. Ling wanted to suck in her own breath when she noticed the bruises and cuts on his face, feet and hands.

She schooled her face into a mask of neutralism, "Do you know why I've been called down to see you?"

Sheppard stopped plucking at the covers, went to cross his arms and then seemed to think better of it. She could tell he had stopped for a reason. He probably knew, crossed arms signified a defensive position and she noted it down.

"Not really," he said in a low voice.

"Doctor Jenner was a little concerned about you. She just wanted me to have a chat with you."

"I don't really feel like talking."

"And why's that?"

"Why do you think?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

"You know, you doctors always answer a question with another question."

Ling smiled, "So you have seen a lot of Doctors?"

Sheppard laughed. It was forced. Constricted.

"You have us troubled Mr. Sheppard. Why were you wandering the streets in the middle of the night?"

Sheppard moved to dangle his legs over the edge of the bed and looked towards the door.

"Have they called my team yet?"

He was distracted, slightly despondent and Ling was beginning to feel on edge herself. She had been informed about his fever. She knew that was partly responsible for his behavior and yet unlike any other patient he seemed determined not to lie back and rest.

"I don't….. think so."

"They should be here by now," he looked behind him and then back at the door.

"Who is this team? Are they members of your unit?"

Sheppard blinked slowly and gave her a surprised look, "Who told you about my team?"

Ling was practiced at being patient. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forwards, appearing approachable and smiling deliberately.

"Doctor McKay," he said as if she should know who he was, "Teyla and Ronon. They're my team."

"Doctor McKay. Is he your Doctor?"

"No," Sheppard seemed to find that funny and laughed, "McKay is _not_ my Doctor."

"No?"

Sheppard was still vibrating with suppressed amusement and held out a shaky hand in apology. She witnessed the exact moment Sheppard realized he had let his defenses down. His mood shifted quickly and the forced smile became a thin hard line and the kind creases around his eyes gave way to a darker look.

"No, he's head scientist. My Doctor is Beckett."

"Beckett."

He seemed distracted, disinterested in her, "Yes, Beckett. He's……he should be here by now. All of them should be."

"When you were brought in, the paramedics noted that you referred to your team as the fantastic four."

Sheppard nodded and didn't meet her eyes.

Ling needed to find a way to connect. Sheppard wasn't going to give information voluntarily. His body language, the way he evaded questions, his paranoia, it was all indicative of a man who had seen countless Psychiatrists. He knew the game, only this time he wasn't going to win.

"Aren't the fantastic four a fictional group of superheroes?"

Sheppard smiled faintly but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Do you identify with them? Do you think you have……special powers?"

Sheppard finally met her eyes and smiled, "I………I shouldn't really talk about that with you. It could get me in trouble."

"With who?"

Sheppard leaned in, "You don't have clearance."

Ling noted that down.

"Look, anything you say to me will be held in the strictest of confidence. You really can trust me."

"You still don't have clearance," Sheppard said with a scowl.

Ling cleared her throat, for no other reason that to fill the vacuous silence of the room. He was making her feel uncomfortable. His jittery hands, his restlessness, his paranoia; for some reason it frightened Ling. She felt small and vulnerable and worst of all ill-prepared to deal with a man that seemed to hide behind clever remarks and winning smiles.

"Okay, what about your reference to a place called Atlantis. A flying ship?"

Silence.

"It isn't uncommon for……..some individuals to retreat. Seek solace in an imaginary world to escape events that bother them. Is that what you are doing?"

Sheppard fanned his scrubs top. He was making a display out of ignoring her. He was being evasive, non-committal, but he _was_ listening.

"Has something happened? Something while you were serving away perhaps that has led you to-"

"I'm fine," Sheppard responded sharply, "Nothing happened. Nothing….."

He was repeating himself in what Ling would call positive reinforcement. If you say something enough you become to believe it. Something had obviously happened.

"Mr Sheppard," she scooted her chair closer, "I have some experience dealing with soldiers and-"

Sheppard cut her off, "You haven't _seen_ what I've seen."

Ling smiled and dipped her head. She'd had years of experience talking to soldiers and helping them deal with post traumatic stress syndromes. She had become accustomed to their gruesome stories. On occasion she had seen footage, photographs; truly horrifying images that had made her feel as though she had been there with them. Out of all the terrible things that this Sheppard could have witnessed, she doubted she hadn't already dealt with it in one of her sessions.

She was growing frustrated. She didn't seem to be making progress and Sheppard was beginning to get irate.

"Have you been injecting? There are marks on your arms and-"

"I didn't do that. They did."

"They?"

He was beginning to get agitated. The mention of 'they' seemed to break down his defenses.

"I can't talk about that!"

"Mr Sheppard, if you are unwilling to face whatever it is that has……affected you then…..we will have no choice but to keep you here for a while longer."

Ling knew that soldier's personalities dictated that they thrived on order, logic and a sense of routine. It had shown great success in her sessions. Sheppard's personality was different. He ignored the threat and gave her a listless shake of his head.

"Do you want to stay for longer?"

She realized that even this soldier's hair wasn't regulation. She noted that down too. His unruly hair could be the key. Perhaps he hadn't been away serving after all; perhaps he was simply in care at another hospital.

He was plucking at the covers again and making no moves to hide his hostility.

"Are my team here yet?"  
"No," Ling adjusted her glasses, "No Mr-"

"_Colonel_ Sheppard." He snapped suddenly, "It's Colonel Sheppard. I need to get back. People rely on me."

"Who relies on you?"

Sheppard finally slid off the bed and sighed when his I.V caught on his hand. He tugged it out in one practiced move, placing a shaking hand over the droplet of blood that had formed.

"Hundreds of people."

"Your squad?"

"No. Civilians."

"Civilians?"  
"Yes, why do you keep repeating what I say?"

"If you want to talk. I _will_ listen."

"I don't _want_ to talk," he said, "I don't like talking to shrinks. You twist everything around and……." He reached out for the bed railing and gripped it with white knuckles, "I just want my team. I just want to go home."

---------------------------------

Abby steered Doctor Ling away from the exam room and away from Matt's prying ears, "Well?"

Doctor Ling smoothed down her hair and tucked her notepad under her arm, "He's definitely hiding something."

Abby looked passed her to where there were two security personnel hovering outside her exam room. It was making her disquietly nervous.

"It is my recommendation that we section him for now. I'd like to talk to him again when he's calmed down."

"Really? He seemed okay when I was talking to him earlier."

Abby felt a pang of sympathy. She didn't know the guy but he seemed to have been through a tough time and she wasn't sure it was the right call.

"He's talked to Doctor's before. He's very good at what he thinks is manipulating the outcome of a session. Something is going on and I want to find out what it is before you release him."

She'd never liked Doctor Ling. Unfortunately; she still respected her professional opinion.

"You think he's a danger?"

"I think he's dangerous full stop. _Anyone_ with military training, who isn't fully adjusted, should _not_ be allowed to roam the streets."

Abby could understand her reasoning, but still. It didn't make her happy about it.

"Okay, we'll keep him in overnight and once-"

Abby couldn't finish her sentence. She noticed _her_ patient walking out of the exam room, kitted out in his uniform again, and arguing with the security men to let him pass.

"I'm going" Sheppard said loudly, oblivious to the looks that were coming his way from patients and Nurses, "Get out of my way!"

Abby left Doctor Ling and jogged over to him, "John!"

He turned to her, flushed and sweating, "Doctor Jenner," and he held himself up straighter, "I'm discharging myself. I've waited long enough."

"Hang on;" Abby gave the two security men a nod to say she had everything under control and then tried to guide Sheppard back to his room, "You can't leave yet. You're not well. Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know. I'll find somewhere." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, "Did you call Beckett?"

Abby bit her lip. She hadn't been able to locate him.

"You haven't, have you?"

Sheppard brought his hands up to the back of his head and moved in a tight circle, "Then I can't stay….."

Abby didn't know what to say. She had tried to find this Doctor, tried to locate his 'team' and yet she hadn't known where to start. Everything about him was impossibly closed off.

"I'm not safe here," and his hand was at his thigh holster, fingers tensing.

"Remember I said you were safe here?" Abby tried, "You are."

Sheppard shook his head, eyes darkening.

He took a step away from her and was met by two sets of hands that rooted him to the ground.

"Come on John. You're not well. You need to get back into bed."

He wasn't listening. In fact, he was ignoring her and tugging at the arms that held him in place.

"Guys!" Abby called out to the guards, "It's okay."

"You _really_ need to let go of me," Sheppard threatened with a hiss, "Get _off_ me now!"

Abby turned to the growing group of people crowding the halls and attempted to wave them away, "Don't worry. Everyone get back to your rooms. It's fine."

Ling was pulling her away, "He's a danger to everyone here."

"I said everything's fine," Abby asserted, "Aren't you John? You're fine."

The man in question was still struggling, his lithe body twisting mercilessly in the security men's grip.

"Doctor Jenner, leave this to the professionals," Ling admonished.

Abby tore her eyes away from Sheppard.

"I'm his Doctor."

"Get off!"

Abby turned back just in time to see Sheppard wrench out of one man's grip, kick the other in the shin with a well aimed blow and then arch his elbow around to send one of the security men, Burt, to the ground. There was blood spilling from his mouth as he lay on the floor, eyes closed, motionless. Sheppard rammed the other man, Harry, into the wall, kept his hand across his throat and before Abby had time to blink he was wielding the mans 9.mil handgun and pointing it in front of him, finger hovering over the trigger. He stumbled backwards, wiping his face with the back of his hand, eyes darting wildly around.

It had all happened so quickly and Abby found herself standing in front of him, mouth gaping open and eyebrows raised. She was a Doctor. She wasn't _prepared_…for this!

"I _just_ need to find my team!" he shouted to Abby, to the patients watching, to the cowering Nurses by the admittance desk.

"This morning I was on Atlantis and now I'm……" he looked over his shoulder and back, "I don't know what happened but I'm not supposed to be here. That's why I need my team. They'll know what happened and…"

"Colonel Sheppard!" Doctor Ling was stepping forward into the fray, hands raised placating, "Let's talk about this."

Sheppard dragged his eyes away from Abby and looked a little startled by Ling, "I _don't_ want to talk."

Sheppard raised his hand up to his face and rubbed at his eyes, swallowing repeatedly and turning paler by the minute.

"John, you're not well," Abby repeated in a calm voice, fingers reaching out for his trembling hands.

He flinched away, the barrel swinging around out of dizziness rather than maliciousness, and a few of the nurses started crying. It seemed to drag him out of his fugue and it was as if he was only just realizing where he was and what he was doing.

He wavered, blinked heavily and then took another step backwards.

"I…." he looked at the gun in his hand and sagged, "I'm not going to……"

Abby swallowed thickly and summoned the courage to speak. Behind the gun, his eyes were still kind.

"John."

His eyes were slow to track her and it was in that instance that she realized the he really wasn't looking all that hot. His face was flushed, he was sweating profusely and his eyes were wide and glassy. He was truly sick. Something inside switched and practiced professionalism took over. Abby was already ordering tests and instructing nurses for cold compresses in her mind.

"John, why don't you put the gun down?"

Sheppard met her eyes and dropped his aim, "I wouldn't use it," he muttered.

He un-clicked the safety.

"Really," he dropped the gun's magazine to the ground.

"It's okay," Abby said, hands still outstretched.

"Sorry," Sheppard said with a weak smile.

He went to put the gun in his thigh holster, maybe out of habit, then remembering it wasn't his, he dropped it.

It hadn't even clattered to the earth and one of the guards was tackling him to the floor. Sheppard was plaint, keeping his hands outstretched and planted flat out in front of him.

"Get me some Haldol," Abby instructed one of the nurses.

Sheppard was still being pinned and when she saw the look in her eyes she felt conflicted. He was scared. Confused.

"Careful guys," Abby warned the guards that were crushing him into the hard ground.

She crouched down beside Sheppard and rolled up his sleeve.

"I didn't mean…..I just need to get home," he said, almost whispered.

Abby prepped the syringe.

"I…."

She touched his arm and could feel the heat radiating off it. His fever was obviously spiking and he had no idea what he was doing, but still, the image of his attack was fresh. He _was_ dangerous. It didn't matter that he seemed to be decent underneath, it didn't even matter that he was showing remorse. The fact was that he was a trained soldier and he had already injured three members of her staff. She had to do what was right.

"Sorry about his but…you kind of deserve it."

She jabbed him in the arm, Sheppard let out a groan and she instructed Harry to release him.

"We're not going far," Burt muttered around the blood in his mouth.

"It's okay," Abby said as she rubbed Sheppard's shoulder gently, "He'll be out like a light in a minute."

Sheppard made a groveling attempt to get up to his knees but the sedative was already beginning to kick in.

"I don't like…." He licked his lips.

"Nobody likes sedatives," Abby said in a low voice.

"Make me feel…..weird."

"Like I said……"

"I asked for it," he slurred.

Abby rubbed the spot where she had injected him and waited for the gurney to arrive.

Sheppard finally his eyes closed.

TBC………………


	3. Chapter 3

Abby was checking his ob's when Sheppard woke with a start, screaming blue murder and attempting to get off the bed. She pressed her hands down firmly onto his chest to keep him from damaging himself but it seemed to scare him even more.

"No!"

He looked at the position of her hand, ripped it off and tried to scramble backwards but the handcuffs that had been put on him kept him where he was and he was unable to move back any further.

She didn't know why he had reacted to the placement of her hand, normally it calmed patients, grounded them, but he seemed to distress him.

"John," she held onto his shoulder, one hand hovering over the call button, "John."

He met her eyes and stilled. He was panting hard, trying to move away from her.

"Come on, calm down. You're fine."

"My team," he said looking around the room with wild eyes.

"They're not here."

"Where are they?"

"I.." she was at a loss for words, "I don't know where they are."

He wiped a hand across his face; it was shaking.

"But…I'm sure they're on their way."

His body relaxed a little bit and Abby moved her hand away from the call button. The last thing he needed was more sedation, especially in his state and pressing it would only bring more people and more aggravation.

"Relax okay? You're safe here."

His hand was up to his chest, curled protectively.

He licked his lips and she took it as her cue to pass him a glass of water. He eyed it warily before taking it from her and took an experimental sip.

"What happened to you?"

She wasn't expecting an answer and the look he was giving her implied he didn't want to give one, but then he surprised her.

"I think I was ambushed…." He passed the glass back to her, "….I don't know."

Abby pulled a chair over to the bed and perched on it, waiting while he glanced around the room again.

"It was supposed to be a peaceful mission. Food trade. Maybe…I don't know. Maybe we were wrong about them."

He tugged at the cuff around his wrist and groaned.

"They should be here by now."

Abby reached out and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. She could still feel the heat radiating off him and when he swallowed thickly and groaned again she could tell he was obviously having a hard time not to throw up. It was intuition as a doctor, knowing when to thrust a bowl under a patients chin before they lost the battle. She hadn't been wrong. He retched miserably and when he was finished she removed the bowl and mopped at his brow with a cold compress. He was sagging back into the pillow, eyes clamped shut and shivering.

"I did something stupid didn't I?"

"Well, I don't think you meant it but…yeah, pulling a gun out in the middle of a crowded ward isn't a winner."

"I was talking about the mission…" he smiled.

"Oh."

"But the gun, earlier, wasn't such a good move. I just needed to get out……"

"Where to?"

"Home…my friends," he opened one eyelid a crack, "I don't remember how I got here."

"We'll find out, but first you need to rest. You've got a dangerously high fever."

He clenched his jaw, "Nothing I haven't had before."

And for some reason she believed him. He looked tortured and she couldn't help but think whatever had happened on his last mission had been bad. Very bad.

---------------------

"How is he?"

Abby continued to remove the packaging to her sandwich surprised to find her own hands shaking slightly. Patients would get to her now and again, but this one was different. She didn't know how she could help Sheppard.

"Doctor Jenner?"

"He's just gone back to sleep."

Ling sat down opposite her, "I've called it in. He's going to have a full psychological exam in the morning."

Abby dropped her sandwich onto the table of the rec room, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"He's not crazy. He's sick."

Ling leaned forwards, clasping her hands together, "Look, he seems…well, he's a very attractive man and-"

"I'd stop that sentence right now," Abby stated picking at her sandwich, "I'm not compromised by….." She laughed, "-that's just ridiculous okay. You're jumping the gun and-"

"As I recall, he was the one with the gun."

"He was backed into a corner and scared, not to mention he has a temperature of 103. Just wait until he's much better and we've had a chance to locate his friends and then do the exam. Not before."

"If there are any friends…"

"I believe him."

"I wish I did."

Abby looked longingly at her sandwich and found she wasn't really hungry anymore. She tossed it into the nearest trashcan and left Ling sitting in her rec-room.

-------------------

Doctor Jenner had introduced herself with a quick handshake and a warm smile and Nancy had informed her that she had come to visit her ex husband. She was guided over to a private room, acknowledged the two security guards stationed outside his room and pushed the door open uncertainly.

"Is he okay?"

Doctor Jenner patted her on the shoulder, "He's had a rough night, but he's stable. His fever spiked about five hours ago but he's doing fine."

"And the……security guards?"

Doctor Jenner smiled tightly, "He was a little disorientated. We had to sedate him."

Nancy didn't know what that meant exactly. She was still a little shocked at having been called in the middle of the night to be asked for a medical history. She hadn't heard from her ex husband in years and to have been called out of the blue had shaken her. She hadn't been able to drop off after that and had made the four hour drive into Colorado to……she didn't know why, to confirm that he really was okay. To confirm that he was still alive.

"I'll be just outside if you need me."

The door slid shut behind her and Nancy walked around the privacy curtain to see John, lying on his side, one hand tucked under his chin, the other cuffed to the side of the bed.

He hadn't really changed. He looked a little bit older and his hair was definitely longer than it had been. In his sleep she recognized the tight lines of his face, the clenched jaw, the look of restless dreams. That she remembered. That was familiar.

She sat in the chair beside his bed, draping her coat over her knee and watched him sleep, unsure of why she was there and how he would react when he awoke to find her sitting beside the bed.

It didn't take long for a reaction. He started to shift under the covers, mumbled something in his sleep, tried to turn and then met resistance from the steel cuffs around his wrist. There was a second in which he tensed, breathed out loudly and then snapped his eyes open.

Nancy moved onto the edge of her chair and reached up to his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze and reassuring him like she had done for many years, that everything was okay.

He blinked tiredly before recognition dawned, "Nance?"

"What have you done this time?"

He regarded the cuffs with a look of confusion and tugged at them experimentally before sagging back against his pillow, "What are you doing here?"

His voice was hoarse and he was blinking sleepily, his free hand reaching up to rub at his face and run a trail through his messy hair.

"They couldn't get hold of your medical files. And…" she paused, "I just couldn't sleep when I knew you were here. I had to come see you."

He met her look and raised his eyebrows, "You still live in Colorado?"

"No."

"But…" he tried to sit more upright, but his reactions were slow and he seemed weak, "…you loved that house."

"No, you loved that house," she said teasingly.

It had backed onto an airstrip and was noisy as hell.

"I moved back north to be closer to my parents."

He nodded and she wasn't sure if he was really listening to her. He seemed to be staring off at another point in the room, possibly trying to piece together how and why he was handcuffed to his bed.

"What happened?" he asked.

Nancy found her treacherous eyes moving to the handcuffs again.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"I….."

She'd missed him. The last time she had heard from him he had been stationed in Antarctica. She'd received one grainy telephone call from him in which had had tried to convince her that he was fine and enjoying his new opportunity within the Air Force and then nothing. That had been over three and half years ago.

He didn't answer her question.

"Are my team here yet?"

Nancy watched him closely, "I……I don't think so."

She didn't know what team he was referring too. As far as she had known he had been alone in Antarctica. He hadn't been assigned a unit. If anything, serving again, having command, had been the last thing on his mind when he left.

He looked deflated, "Oh."

"John, what aren't you telling me?"

"My team should be here now. I need to go back."

"Doctor Jenner said," and she cleared her throat, unsure of his reaction, "She mentioned that a Doctor has come and talked to you. A psychiatrist."

He pulled at the handcuff again, its clink filled the silence, "She didn't believe me," he muttered rotating his wrist, "-thinks I'm crazy."

"Who?"

"Ling," he said sharply, "Thinks I've lost it."

He'd never been very good at expressing himself. Their relationship had ended amicably after realization dawned that he wasn't ready for marriage and she really didn't like being a soldier's wife. He was never around and the fallout from bad missions always destroyed him. After Mitch and Dex had died he had been inconsolable, retreating into himself and barely uttering two words to her for months. And after Holland….it just wasn't the same. He wasn't the same. He'd hardened a little, become that much farther away and then….nothing. She knew he hated psychiatrists. Her own suggestion that they seek marriage counseling had been rebuffed just as quickly.

"How are your family?"

Nancy couldn't contemplate having a normal conversation with him. Something was wrong.

"It's post traumatic stress isn't it?"

He smiled sadly, "No Nance, it's not."

"Well then, where have you been? You've been gone for…three years and you just turn up?"

"I've been…." He looked over to the door as if he expected someone to be listening, "I've been away, doing something important."

"In Antarctica?"

He shook his head.

"I need to get back. People rely on me."

"You've always thought people rely on you. You're not responsible for everything that-"

"I'm Commanding Officer of a base of hundreds. Of course they rely on me."

A promotion. Now she knew he had lost it because with his record there was no way he was ever going to get a promotion. He was lucky he was still part of the military.

"Come on John. A promotion?"

"Yeah. You don't believe me?"

She decided not to broach the subject again.

"I was kind of surprised to be listed as your next of kin? What about Graham? Your dad?"

He was licking his lips, reaching for the water beside his bed. He was basically doing what he always did. He was avoiding a difficult question.

"They're fine by the way, although……you might want to talk to your dad. He's not been well lately."

"You know we don't get on."

"I know but…if something happened to him then…surely you would want to have made some peace."

"Peace? Yeah…that's going to happen."

"Okay, I'll let it go," she squeezed his arm again.

She helped him with the water.

"It's really good to see you."

-----------------------

Five hours later, the door had opened crack and Nancy had looked up to see a woman standing there. She looked over to John, where he was sleeping again, and quietly got up to join the woman.

"How's he doing?"

"Okay…I think. Can I-"

"Oh sorry," and the woman presented her hand, "I'm Doctor Ling. I did the psychiatric evaluation on John when he came in. I was just wondering if you had a few minutes to have a little chat with me."

Nancy nodded ands followed her across the ward to a private room.

She hadn't even got comfortable when Ling was already ploughing ahead.

"Now, Doctor Jenner may or may not have mentioned, but we're a little concerned about John."

Nancy took the coffee that was proffered to her and allowed it to warm her hands. Doctor Jenner hadn't seemed to have liked this Ling character and Nancy was beginning to get the same bad vibe.

"How?"

"He's having problems facing up to reality. At current he believes he is commanding officer of a base……….."

Nancy sipped her coffee.

"…….in space."

And nearly spat it out.

Nancy didn't know how to process the information that was being given to her and instead she said the first thing that came to mind, "Well, he did say he'd been promoted."

Ling smiled, "Yes well….aside from his……diminished state of mind he attacked some security guards earlier."

"John doesn't like hospitals."

"Not many people do but then they don't go waving a gun around."

"What?" Now the handcuffs made sense, "Are you sure?"

"I was there Mrs Sheppard."

"It's…….Harmon. Nancy Harmon. I…changed back to my maiden name."

"Look, I want to get some background details from you. I want to build up a picture of John. Is there anything you can think of that may have contributed to his strange behavior?"

"I…."

Nancy felt like a traitor but if what this woman was saying was true then maybe he did need help. He hadn't seemed to be himself when she was in the room with him. Perhaps he was suffering from PTSD.

"Maybe…..maybe his friends deaths effected him more than I thought."

Ling had a pad of paper that was resting precariously on her knee and she was already writing things down, absorbed in what she was saying.

"Mitchell and Dexter, they were members of his unit. They died out in the field and John never forgave himself."

"Really?"

"I thought he'd dealt with it and then……Holland, a guy he tried to rescue, he also died."

"And how did he react to that?"

"Well, he didn't talk about it much. I know he spoke to a counselor back on base."

"But he didn't talk to you about it?"

"No. I think he wanted to protect me. You see John wants to protect everyone."

Ling nodded and didn't say anything.

"Our marriage ended shortly after that, not because of him, it was both of us and he was sent to Antarctica to ferry local officials from base to base. I thought it would be good for him, a slower pace."

"When was that?"  
"That's was…..three and a half years ago now. I had maybe one, two calls from him and then this is the first I've seen of him."

"And you think these deaths may be responsible?"

"I don't know. John always took failure personally, only, it wasn't his fault. None of it was."

Tbc…..one chapter to go.


	4. Chapter 4

When Nancy arrived back at John's room, he was awake and trying to use a fork to pick at his handcuffs. He looked up guiltily and then for show, started to dig into the slop in front of him.

"If you're going to do that, at least use a knife."

"I wasn't doing anything," he said dropping the fork onto the tray.

Nancy sat on the edge of the bed. John moved his legs aside to accommodate her and offered her a weak smile.

"Where have you been?"

"Coffee and……" She decided to be honest, "…I was accosted by Doctor Ling."

John pulled a face.

"Hey, I think she's just worried about you. To be honest, so am I"

"I'm fine. Never been better."

"John, I've known you for years and I know that when you say you're fine you're really not. Drop the act and tell me what's been going on."

John pushed his tray aside and crossed his arms over his chest. Now in the light of the room, sitting inches from him, Nancy could see the bruises and cuts she had initially missed. Under his eye there was a slight discoloration, a cut in his hairline, another under his chin and when her eyes moved down to his hands, she could see the broken skin on his knuckles. Obviously he'd been fighting with someone.

"You know you're starting to sound like Elizabeth."

A pang of something twisted Nancy's gut. She ignored the sensation because it felt distinctly like jealousy and tried to sound as aloof as she could.

"Elizabeth?"

"My boss."

Nancy breathed out quickly.

"So, you're new military commander is a woman?"

"No," John uncrossed his arms and Nancy caught a glimpse of the track marks Doctor Ling had mentioned. John didn't do drugs of any form. He didn't even like taking aspirin so as soon as the psychiatrist had even suggested he was on something she had blown it out of the water. She knew him.

"Oh."

"She's a civilian," he shifted under the covers and fanned his scrubs top, obviously still overheated and in the grip of some fever, "But she's always trying to get me to own up. I'm not hiding anything Nance."

"Well then what's going on? Please tell me because Ling wants you to undergo more therapy and if you really are still in the Air Force then this _will_ damage your career. More than Afghanistan did."

He grimaced. She knew he wasn't over it and she used it to get him open up to her.

"I really did get a promotion. I really am a Commanding Officer. I can't talk about it beyond that and….I wish I could, but……."

"There are rules."

"Yes. All I know is that I'm not where I'm supposed to be and I can't remember how I got to be on Earth."

"On Earth?"

"Uh…" he cringed, "Figure of speech. _Here_, I don't know how I got _here_."

"Okay," Nancy reached out and patted his hand, "So what about those?"

He looked down at his arm and didn't try to hide the marks.

"I don't know."

"So what are we going to do?"

"We?"

"You, I meant _you_. Sorry, it's hard not to think of us as an us. Figure of speech," she smiled and suddenly felt guilty.

Something started making a beeping noise in her coat and she sprang up to seize her phone.

"Boyfriend?"

Nancy groaned and looked at the readout, "I'll be right back."

----------------------

"Hi Honey," Nancy moved away from her ex-husbands room and sat in one of the waiting room chairs feeling all kinds of guilt.

"_Nance. I was just ringing to see where you are."_

"Sorry, I….I had to come into the city this morning. I didn't think you were back until Monday."

"_The meeting got cancelled. What's wrong?"_

"It's…..it's John."

"_You're ex?"_

She could hear the disdain in his voice. For some reason he had never liked John. She supposed it was because he had never liked the idea that her ex had been a little more exciting than an accountant.

"Yeah. He was admitted into County General and I had to come down and fill in a few forms."

And _now_ she was lying to her fiancée. There was no way she could tell him that for some inexplicable reason she just _had_ to see him.

"_What and he had no-one else?"_

Nancy bit her lip. She didn't think he had anyone else. She hadn't asked, she had just assumed. John had always been a bit of a loner, even before she met him.

"Not really. Look, I'll be finished here soon. I'll pick up the groceries on the way back."

"_Okay, just…be careful okay."_

"I know what I'm doing."

"_I know. I just don't want him to stress you out that's all, what with the baby and everything."_

"I won't. I'll see you later."

-------------------------------

When Nancy arrived back at John's room she found two soldiers in full uniform standing outside his door and Doctor Jenner was in with John apparently trying to calm him down.

"What's going on?"

Doctor Jenner was pre-occupied with John, trying to get him to relax.

John was backed up against the wall, tugging at the handcuffs for all he was worth.

"The two soldiers out there have come to take John to another hospital."

"What?" Nancy turned back to the door.

"I'm not happy about it either but they have official papers."

And she could tell that the Doctor wasn't. After all, John was her patient and from talking to her, she seemed to have an affinity with him.

"I'm _not_ going!" John shouted, sounding more like a belligerent child than a thirty nine year old man.

Nancy ran forward and gave her best impression of a concerned mother, "John, would you stop that, you're going to hurt yourself."

"I don't _know_ those men," he stated looking her in the eyes, "I have no idea who they are. I'm not going with them."

"John," Nancy tried to stop him from squirming but he was just getting more and more irate and there was something else too. He looked scared.

It was Doctor Jenner's turn.

"John, come on. Calm down."

"I won't calm down. I'm not leaving unless my team are here. They could be…." He paused, seemingly lost in a memory and he looked down at his arm to rub at the track marks.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," he said with a sigh.

"Do you remember something?" Doctor Jenner had her hand on his shoulder and Nancy had the other.

"I…….the ambush. They could be in on it."

Nancy looked to Doctor Jenner for support but she seemed just as confused and out of her depth.

The door opened and the two soldiers entered. They seemed legitimate enough. Both were wearing Air Force Issue uniforms.

"Is he ready?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name," Nancy asked moving forward protectively.

"I'm Lt Jacobs and this is Captain Sorenson."

"Colonel Sheppard. We've come to take you to another hospital." Sorenson informed John.

John shook his head, "Nah, I don't think so."

"What hospital?" Nancy asked, "I'll come with you."

"No," John said reaching for her arm, "They'll get you too."

Jacobs shook his head, "I'm afraid that's classified information. He'll be in safe hands, you don't have to worry."

"Where are my team? Is Beckett coming?" John asked pulling at the cuffs again, immersed in escaping.

"They're on their way," Jacobs said in a slightly bored voice.  
"Doctor Jenner maybe he should stay here. I don't like the sound of this," Nancy was a little confused. These men couldn't even tell her where they were taking John and they were just going to hand him over. It seemed a little odd.

Jenner let go of John's arm finally and sighed, "I'd love to help but the papers are official. He's supposed to be at a military hospital."

"There must be something you can do."

"Can we at least wait until the morning?" Jenner tried.

"Sorry Ma'am," Jacobs said approaching the bed with the keys for the cuffs, "We've got our orders."

As soon as the cuffs were undone, John grabbed his wrist and gave it a rub.

"Sir, are you ready?"

John was still rubbing his wrist and Nancy could see the dangerous look he had in his eyes.

"Sir?"

John moved much quicker than anyone could have anticipated. What with his fever and his other injuries it was quite a surprise when he jumped off the bed and pushed past the two soldiers.

They all followed him and there was a scream in the corridor. Apparently one of the nurses from earlier recognized him.

"Colonel Sheppard," Jacobs said, hands raised in a placating gesture.

John reached out for the nearest thing he could and found an I.V pole, thankfully with no patient attached and started swiping it back and forth.

"Sir, you need to come with us."

"I don't know who you are. I've never seen you before in my life."

Nancy stood behind the two soldiers, Jenner at her side, both of them powerless to do anything.

"We work for the same program as you do Sir. General O'Neill sent us to pick you up."

"General O'Neill," John lowered the pole and looked thoughtful, "I _don't_ believe you."

"Sir, please. I have the official papers right here…" and as Sorenson reached into his pocket, John was raising the pole again.

"Ah, don't move!"

The corridor was slowly beginning to clear, people were running off to their rooms, nurses were heading back to the admit desk and the security guards from earlier were now flanking the two soldiers. It was like a scene from a film.

"Nancy, you have to get me out of here."

His voice was desperate and pleading and Nancy was fishing for her car keys when Jenner's hand gripped her wrist.

"My car's right out front," Jenner said and her face was a mask of disbelief. Probably at what she had just suggested.

"Don't move," Sorenson said to them both.

John took a step back, nearly pressed against the wall, and swiped out at Jacobs again, "Nance!"

"I need to help him," Nancy said to the Soldier, feeling John's desperation bleed into her.

Jacobs stepped forwards and John swung out with the pole. It connected with his back, sending him spinning to the ground in a heap.

"I'm leaving!" John shouted to non-one in particular. He was already under strain from standing again and now he had one hand planted on the wall to steady himself.

He was blinking dizzily when Sorenson made his move. He hit John on the wrist so he released the pole and drove him against the wall with a thud. The back of John's head hit the wall.

"Careful!" Jenner shouted.

"No!" Nancy tried to move again but she was being held back and it was beginning to get frustrating.

"Sir, you need to believe us. We know what happened to you but-"

John was struggling to get away, kicking his legs out and fighting the force of the soldier.

"Colonel Sheppard, please!"

"I don't know you!" John shouted, "Nance? Doctor Jenner?"

"Sheppard!"

John stilled and everyone turned in unison when a booming voice ripped through the corridor. Nancy didn't know what was going on but there were three people standing down the hall. The one who had shouted was a tall dark man with dreadlocks; beside him was a woman with honey colored skin and long hair and next to her was a short, rounded man with cropped hair.

"We _told_ you to bring him quietly not assault him!"

The soldier let go of John and he pushed him away, staggered a little and then slid down the wall. Doctor Jenner was the first to get to him, checking he was physically okay before turning back to Nancy and giving her a nod.

The woman was racing over to him then, "John, are you okay?" and she was reaching for his hand, giving it a squeeze and speaking in a reassuring voice.

The shorter man stood over him and smiled, "You just _had_ to go and make a scene."

John blinked and looked up before breaking into a huge smile, "Rodney."

"Yes Rodney and Teyla and Ronon."

"What took you guys so long?"

John had visibly relaxed and all the tenseness in his frame had dissolved. From their familial prescience Nancy knew that they were his aforementioned team.

She couldn't believe it. John hadn't been lying.

"Well, if you hadn't gone awol in the first place then we wouldn't have…" he stopped short, "What is everyone staring at? Hello, yes, Hi! Now go away, get well and all that."

The one called Ronon, with his formidable form, reached down to John and pulled him up to his feet as if he were a rag doll. John was wavering on his feet and he grabbed him around the waist to get him steady.

"Now where is his room?"

Doctor Jenner pointed, "Over there. And you are?"

"We are his friends," the woman, Teyla, said.

Rodney, the short one, stated, "We need to take him to another hospital and I _know_ Sheppard. He'll want his uniform."

---------

"What is going on? Who are these people?" Nancy asked as she peered through the open door to John's room

Doctor Jenner shrugged, "I guess they're his team."

Nancy continued to watch them. John had had friends but she had never seen him behave like this. He seemed close to them, if anything, closer to them than he had been to her. It was a side of him she never envisaged she would see again. Afghanistan, his friends deaths, they had all broken him and yet these people seemed to make none of that matter.

Rodney was holding out John's pants for him to step into and Ronon, the tall one, was pulling John's t-shirt over his outstretched arms. The woman, Teyla, she was undoing the laces on John's boots. They worked in quiet synchronicity, passing each other items of John's clothing; helping him stand upright to get his thigh holster on, tugging his black wrist band over his hand, tying up his laces. And John was letting them. Nancy knew from experience that he didn't like to be helpless. He didn't like to be needy. Her completely self sufficient ex-husband was allowing himself to be molly-coddled and ordered and he seemed to accept it. _Like_ it even.

Once John was fully dressed, Rodney stood opposite him with crossed arms and Nancy could hear their conversation filtering though to them, unseen.

"I cannot believe you tried to escape from your _own_ people."

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Teyla asked patting his back, "We were ambushed on MX345. You were held captive for three days."

"I don't really remember."

"When we found you, you were pumped full of drugs and high as a kite. We bought you back to the SGC to recover and then you went all Rambo on us."

Nancy turned to Doctor Jenner, "Rambo?"

Jenner shrugged again.

"McKay!"

"Well he _did_……oh come on, he stole a Zat and knocked everyone in his path unconscious and then took off into the night liked the caped crusader."

Teyla seemed confused, "I thought you said he was Rambo?"

"Rambo, Caped crusader, _whatever_. Either way, you're an idiot!"

"Hey, you said I was drugged. How am I supposed to remember what I did?"

"It is good to have you back John."

"Yes wandering the streets in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain is my idea of……_hey_ is that food? I haven't eaten in like…….three hours."

John laughed, "Go for it."

"No time."

"Ronon!..._Fine_, I'll just go into hypoglycemic shock and………do you think they can put this in a doggy bag?"

"No!"  
"You look exhausted John. We must get you home."

"Atlantis?"

"Yes _Atlantis_."

As they started towards the door, Nancy and Doctor Jenner took a step back feigning a deep conversation.

When John staggered out, Jenner held her hand out to the others, "Hang on. He _needs_ a wheelchair."

John held his hand out and shook his head, "I'm fine."

"He'll walk," Ronon said crossing his arms.

Jenner crossed her arms and squared up to the larger man, "Hospital policy."

"Trust me," Rodney said, "Sheppard would _want_ to walk."

Nancy had to agree.  
John was in his own world, seemingly a mixture of tiredness, sickness and relief had washed away his last reserves of strength.

Teyla placed a hand around his waist and he didn't bat an eyelid. He merely reached down and held tightly to her hand. Again, Nancy felt a small twinge of jealousy at the close relationship they had and that she and John _very_ nearly had.

"So you're leaving," Nancy asked in a quiet voice.

His friends, his team she amended, were watching her with confusion and when John didn't introduce her she figured there was a good reason for it. Their time was over. He had a new life, she had a new life and he would tell them about her in his own time. She'd learnt never to push John. She hoped his friends knew that too.

"I'll take you off my next of kin list," he said with a small smile, "Sorry you had to drive down here to save my sorry ass."

Nancy was surprised when he stepped forwards and leaned his forehead against hers. It wasn't a hug. It was odd. But for some reason she felt closer to him than she ever had, "Don't take me off that list."

"Seriously?" His voice was beginning to slur a little like a tired toddler ready for bed.

"_Seriously_. Maybe in another three years we'll meet up again."

He smiled and stepped back into his teams arms.

"Thanks Doc," John said as he started down the corridor.

"No problem. Just promise me you'll stay out of trouble."

"Sure," he mumbled and he shared a look with his team.

"I hope he doesn't give Beckett as much trouble as he gave me," Jenner said as Rodney and Ronon passed.

Nancy didn't know what Jenner had said but both men stopped and their backs tensed.

Rodney turned, "I'm sorry."

"His Doctor's Beckett right?"

Rodney nodded and swallowed thickly, all the color washing from his face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just…….Carson's……Carson died a few months ago."

"Oh…I'm sorry. I thought…"

Another friend dead, Nancy realized sadly.

Rodney nodded and headed off, suddenly silent and withdrawn.

They had gone halfway down the hall; when John suddenly pitched forwards and it was Ronon who grabbed him before he hit the floor. Jenner was already tensing but before she could move, Ronon was picking John up and gently placing him over his shoulder.

The move was made in silence. None of them reacted. It was painfully obvious to Nancy at least, that this wasn't the first time they had had to rescue John.

"What now?" Nancy asked tiredly.

"_Now_ I go home and go to sleep and so do you."

Nancy smiled and watched as her ex disappeared around the corner.

"What are you going to tell Ling?"

Jenner smiled, "I'll let her figure out that he's gone."

"And miss a chance to let her know she was wrong?"

Jenner looked on thoughtfully, "That she was wrong about what? I didn't hear anything, did you?"

THE END


End file.
